This unnerving and nagging feeling in me is eating me up… I used to be so strong whenever a setback was in my way, I know that I can go through this. I’m definitely stronger and getting bigger after each setback.
This time… I don’t know what happened. maybe it’s because of last semester that made me so disappointed in myself and most importantly, i hate that I disappointed my parents… It’s the look in their eyes that make me feel so sick to my stomach and that look on their faces that I can’t put a smile to their faces…. Fallen expressions, empty stares
I don’t know how to make this better.
I don’t know how to make myself see that everything is going to be okay…
Here I am, hair dripping wet from showering, trying to wash off the guilt from Saturday for lazing around the whole day… I did get to my books for like 15 mins in between lazing around just cause it was sitting open and the Internet became boring for a while…
Trying to get back into the momentum of studying is tough, where did my self-discipline go to? Where is my diligence? I wonder what happened to that girl who strive to do the best in her revision for her exams?
Not that I’m complaining but I’ve been pretty good at keeping up with this term, I listening to lectures more, participated more, took more notes… I did so much and I feel like it’s not enough, it’ll never will, never be enough…
Studying at night really helps cause there’s no one to disturb you but when your thoughts start haunting you instead of focusing on what you’re supposed to do, that’s when the problem starts…
For some strange reason, monday felt really off. It’s like I’m going thru my daily life yet my thoughts are all jumbled up in my mind…
Walked around the place that you brought me to for lunch back when I was working and I realise I miss you. Though I was hit by the blow and I know I’ve passed the phase of getting over you, there are certain things that still gets me reminded of you. I’m trying to put down whatever you’ve given to me, the good and bad. It’s a tough journey but I know I’ll come out stronger and better.
Drank a little earlier on and came home to be so tired till I crashed on my bed only to wake up the next hour… as much as I wanna sleep, as much as I want to be tired, life has been so difficult lately. I wanna unwind so badly but I know I need to and have to pull through. Things are difficult now only to be better in the future, this is what I keep telling myself. I need to trust and believe that with effort and hard work put in, things will get better and it will only make me stronger and better.
Now I’m at a stage where everything is so uncertain and vague, it truly scares me but I have this attitude that says: “bring it on.” With proper mindset and attitude, there isn’t anything that’s not doable.
The feeling of simply finishing a book that is completely mindblowing, the running thoughts that completely throws you off wondering about life and what the future holds.
It scares me, thinking about the future, thinking about what might possibly happen both good and bad. I fear for the bad however I firmly believe in my heart that without the bad, the good doesn’t shine through…
And without this duo, it isn’t life. I’m
still always learning to work through the emotions that I have while experiencing life.
What would life be down the road, I have no idea. But I plan on living in it and enjoy with every piece of my soul =)
Just my little thought of the night thougb my brain is bursting with tons of ideas to write =)
I figured this space would be good for me to dump all my worries and crazy thoughts instead of the one I have over at Blogger. I’m always switching between here and there and I can’t make up my mind.
So here goes:
I’ve had a few weeks of emotional roller coaster going on. I was extremely disheartened and I’m still trying to get myself back together. I think as time passes, when failure hits you in the face time and time again; you sort of wake up and rethink your steps and wonder what went wrong.
It became a learning journey for me as a student as well as a person.
Though it gets tiring and discouraging, I think at the end of the journey, it makes me a better person inside and out.
And so I’ve revived my wordpress account! I’ve been meaning to do a switch between my main blog but then again, I’ve moved my blog so many times that I think I should just stick to the same host and see where things go. But for now, this space is gonna be pretty random with updates on the books that I’m reading, shows that I’m obsessed with and movies that I’ve been watching/ have watched.
I’m excited to see what I’ve been doing at the end of 2014. I tend to click random posts and read just because it’s the best way to understand what I can improve on and how image placement can be more effective =)
I shall end the post here =)